Encourage Love And Respect
Men, when it comes to our relationships, we aim to be that guy that makes her forget about every other guy she’s been with. We want to be the best she has ever been within all aspects of the relationship. We want to be the guy she thinks about night and day, the one who always holds the key to her heart, and the one she knows can always protect her.
Becoming that man is a lot easier than you would think and one of the top ways to do this is to be a great listener.
Of the men that I coach and have coached in the past, this is the one skill that has been transformational for all. Listening well helped them create more peaceful, loving relationships, had their girl fall even more deeply for them and even had their girls’ friends asking where they could find a man like that.
If you’d like more of that, then follow these three steps:
Put your phone away, turn off the TV, and focus 100 percent on her and what she is saying. When she is talking to you, she needs your full attention to know that you are really listening, which to women means you really care and love her. You will also need your entire focus to be on her so you can effectively use the next skills I outline. If you don’t get this right, then nothing else you do will matter.
This is the biggest complaint women have about men when we listen; we solve their problems for them. Men, we are natural fixers and we assume when others talk to us about a problem they are asking for our advice. Women often work out the solutions on their own just by talking it out with us. If you start offering her solutions when she hasn’t asked for them, it will likely cause more conflict. Instead, try to follow the formula below.
Listen, Identify, Reflect
Listen for the emotions or feelings behind what she is saying. Identify that emotion (ie. Anger, hurt, frustration, etc). Then reflect it back to her using this formula: Sounds like you’re feeling ________ because ________. More specifically, you can say something like “So you’re pissed off because Susan gossiped behind your back instead of having the respect of telling you to your face why she was upset with you”.
Another way to do this is to phrase it as a question: “are you feeling irritated by Susan? That was so disrespectful.” This allows her to confirm her feelings and feel validated!
When she begins feeling heard, understood and listened to, she’ll feel more loved by you and connected to you, and she will show it. She will naturally want to make you feel more loved and cared for as well. Then, you’ll know you have been doing it right and it will give you the motivation you need to continue practicing the listening skills.
Here’s the beautiful thing about this: Even if you don’t do the greatest job of this at first, she will be so incredibly appreciative that you are at least putting in the effort, that it won’t matter, because chances are most men in her past never have. You are already on the path to being the man that makes all the others invisible to her.
I help stuck, frustrated men in their 30s and 40s to 10x their lives so they can finally start living the life and dating the women they have fantasized about. I help them to raise their self-esteem, find deeper purpose and meaning in their daily lives, and how to build a life they love and others will be inspired by, one small step at a time.
If you’re sick of spinning your wheels and you’re ready to make a change once and for all, then I recommend you contact me for a free, confidential 60 minute discovery call where we discuss the challenges you’re facing in your relationships or work life and determine what the next steps might be.
You can also keep checking back on my website for upcoming online courses, trainings and seminars on how to live with more freedom, purpose and abundance and enjoy deeper, more harmonious relationships.